Of Cupids and Vending Machines
by The Queen of Fairyland
Summary: When Izaya accidentally obtains the hormones of a teenage girl, Celty and Shinra learn about his crush on Shizuo. Can they get Shizuo and Izaya together in time for Valentine's Day? This is a request from the-wolf-with-big-eyes. Valentine's Day fic. Shizaya.
1. Interesting

**PLEASE READ. THIS WILL CLEAR SOME THINGS UP.**

**Happy Valentine's Day guys! **

**This is my first request, requested by the-wolf-with-big-eyes.**

**Author's Note: Some characters are OOC, as you will soon find out. Also, due to my lazy habits, the citizens of Ikebukoro will celebrate Valentine's Day with the classic flowers, paper hearts, you get the idea. I am too tired to look up Japanese traditions. Also, my medical reasoning is very poor. So don't expect the medical details to make any sense at all.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**

**SUNSHINE AND SUSHI!**

Concentration didn't come easy when you were an underground doctor trying to get experiment results. Especially when a certain information broker was laughing madly and spinning in nauseating circles in your swivel chair.

"Izaya," Shinra sighed, massaging his temples, "Could you please settle down? I'm trying to analyze this data. If you're not going to behave in my lab, I would suggest leaving."

"Aww, come on Doc. Who's going to heal my wound?"

"If you didn't get into scrapes with Shizuo every other week, we wouldn't be doing this."

"It's not often that Shizu-chan grazes me," Izaya grumbled defensively.

"Whatever, could you please sit still? I'll look at it in a second."

"You're no fun," Izaya said, fake-pouting. "What's so important, anyway?"

"I'm manufacturing artificial hormones," Shinra responded. "All the different types. Right now, I'm making teen girl hormones. It's really quite fascinating; I must say I'm-"

Shinra abruptly stopped talking. At this point, most people's eyes had glazed over as he sank into medical jargon. However, Izaya looked intently interested. It was a nice change.

"I must say I'm intrigued," the doctor finished. "Some types of hormones drive puberty, and those are the ones I'm looking at."

"Interesting," Izaya said slowly.

"I've developed this fluid," said Shinra, holding up a vile up a clear liquid. "It's a solution of water and fabricated teenage hormones that were made in the lab. Inject it into any bloodstream and they'll work like a charm. Now, let's have a look at that wound." Izaya pulled up the sleeve of his jacket to reveal a deep cut in his arm.

"Yikes," Shinra said. "Hold on, I'll go get some supplies."

"Whatever you say, Doc."

"Just don't touch anything while I'm gone."

"You got it!"

Shinra left the room while Izaya eyed the little vile of clear liquid with curiosity.

_-One week later-_

Shinra Kishitani was a happy doctor, for many reasons. Firstly, work was coming along smoothly. Well, as smoothly as underground doctoring would allow. Secondly, Celty was enthusiastically going through with the wedding, and thirdly, Valentine's Day was right around the corner, a perfect opportunity to show his affection for Celty and ultimately earn the title 'Perfect Boyfriend.' Life was going pretty well. Or so he thought.

When Shinra walked into his apartment, his thoughts turned to his fiancée. Celty. Shinra smiled at the thought of her, probably sitting at her desk, typing away on her laptop with feline grace. The thought sent something of an electric shock up his spine.

"Celty?" He called, slinging his work bag off his shoulders with a grunt. "I'm home!"

His call was unanswered. Multiple voices drifted from the kitchen. Shinra was confused. He and Celty had company about once in a blue moon.

"Celty?"

Nothing. The whispering voices continued on. Shinra ventured to the kitchen. He suddenly had the distinct feeling he was walking in on something important.

Celty was sitting on her swivel chair, agitated puffs of smoke bursting from her neck. Perched on top of the countertop was that Karisawa girl, hands cupping her chin, suppressing giggles. Standing next to her was her friend, the Yumasaki boy, his head buried in his hands.

"Erika! This is insane!" Walker groaned.

"Oh lighten up, Yumachi," Erika grinned, her giggles becoming more and hysterical.

"_Oh, Dark Rider of the Night_," the boy pleaded to Celty, "You can't possibly go along with this."

A flustered Celty, who wasn't used to being called 'Dark Rider of the Night,' could only fidget in her chair. It appeared that none of the room's occupants has noticed Shinra.

"It's all Erika!" Walker continued his rant. "This is just an attempt at making her yaoi fantasies reality! Ignore everything she says, in fact-"

"Oh, hi Shinra! Didn't see you there!" Erika interrupted cheerily. At that moment, all eyes turned to the doctor. He stood in the doorway uncomfortably.

"Erm, what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing much, just solving Iza-Iza's romantic dilemma!" Erika declared with a rather demonic sparkle in her eyes.

"_Izaya's_ romantic dilemma?" Shinra was now utterly baffled.

"Yes," Erika nodded wistfully. "With Shizu-chan."

"With Shizuo?" Shinra turned to Celty for an explanation. His fiancée somehow seemed just as lost as he was. She pulled out her PDA and quickly typed up a message.

_**[Shinra, Erika just may be right. Izaya may be in love with Shizuo. I rode over to pick up a package ready for transport this morning, and he was…well…sobbing on the floor of his apartment.]**_

Shinra raised an eyebrow.

_**[It was really unsettling to see sociopathic, obnoxious, frustrating Izaya as a blubbering mess. I finally managed to drag him over to our apartment. Then I called Kadota for help, but Erika answered his phone. That's how she and Walker ended up here. She's been spouting off yaoi nonsense since she got here.]**_

As if on cue, Erika erupted into a particularly violent fit of crazed fan girl laughter.

"Where is Izaya now?" Shinra asked.

_**[In the bedroom. He's been cooped up in there all afternoon. You might not want to go in there. He's pretty moody.]**_

"Still, I'd better go check on him."

Celty helplessly watched her boyfriend stride over to the bedroom.

Shinra didn't know what to expect when he went to check on Izaya, but it certainly wasn't what he saw. Izaya was splayed out on the rumbled covers of Shinra's bed. In one hand, he clutched a jar of chocolate cookie dough to his chest like a small child clutching a teddy bear. In the other hand, he held a salad fork, which he was using to scoop out large dollops of the cookie dough.

"Go away!" The information broker growled, throwing a pillow at Shinra's head. It landed square in the doctor's face, knocking his glasses off balance.

"Listen Izaya, what's going on? You can tell me!" Shinra said as pleasantly as possible while adjusting his glasses.

"There's no need, my fine doctor," Izaya dramatically proclaimed. "Your worries are unnecessary! I am perfectly stable! Now go, be on your way!"

Shinra closed the door behind him. "Sorry. As your...friend, I won't leave this room until I get to the bottom of this outburst. Erm, Izaya, you do hate Shizuo Heiwajima, don't you?"

Izaya burst out in sobs. "Don't mention that scum-sucking fiend to me! I do not associate with him! Honestly, doctor, your services are wasted here! I don't need you to be my crutch! I will bitterly suffer through my misery alone, thank you very much."

"So then, why are you eating _my_ cookie dough in _my_ bedroom in _my_ apartment?" Shinra challenged.

"Your lass kidnapped me. It's a capital offense. I should sue."

"Well, this is rather funny, now isn't it? You've got a little crush, don't you? Hasn't someone told you your love is almost certainly unrequited?"

Izaya's expression soured.

"Laugh now, you quack. I always get what I want."

"Fair enough. Well, what are you going to do about this love?"

Izaya stared at Shinra as if the doctor had just sprouted a second head.

"Do something? _Do something?_ No! I wouldn't! _I won't!_" The information broker sounded remarkably like a teenage girl. Realization struck Shinra like a lightning bolt.

"Izaya," he said slowly.

"Yes?"

"Do you have something you want to tell me?"

"Maybe."

"_Izaya_."

"Okay, well, I may have accidentally spilled some of your solution onto my wound, there. Whoops."

"Izaya, the solution is in your bloodstream now. Do you know what that means?"

"You'll have to do the experiment again?"

"You have female hormones in your bloodstream. They will work as if you were a teenage girl. Well, this is going to be interesting." A triumphant grin played on Shinra's lips. "Have we learned a lesson about playing with my experiments?"

For once in his life, the information broker could only glare and shovel a particularly large scoop of cookie dough into his mouth.

**Thanks for reading! All reviewers get imaginary fruit roll ups and juice boxes!**


	2. A Long Night

**Chapter 2!**

**Oh luvvies, I am so excited for Valentine's Day! Also, it just so happens that the birthday of our lover boy's dream man is on January 28****th****. Happy Birthday to Shizuo Heiwajima!**

**SuNsHiNe AnD sUsHi!**

_**[No.]**_

"C'mon Celty, I promise he'll behave. It'll be fine, you'll see-"

_**[NO, Shinra. I will not have Izaya Orihara staying here.]**_

__"You were the one who brought him over!"

_**[He was sobbing on the floor of his apartment. It was a sign of the apocalypse. Taking him here was one thing, but him LIVING with us? No way.]**_

__"How bad could it be?"

Celty glanced at Erika and Walker, who were now listening intently, and pulled Shinra out of their ear shot. She punched a message into her PDA and shoved it in his face.

_**[Did you really just ask me that question? I don't trust him Shinra.] **_

__"Celty, please? This whole mess is really my fault. I should make it up to him. People can't find out about this. The world would be out of balance if Izaya Orihara suddenly started acting like a teenage girl. It's best if he stays here, where no one can find him and use his…condition…to their advantage."

The dullahan said nothing.

"Please?"

Still, nothing.

"_Please_?"

Shinra was wondering if he had just earned himself a life time of the silent treatment when his fiancée slowly held up her PDA.

_**[Fine. He can stay.]**_

"I love you!"

_**[BUT, only for a week or so, okay? Until you can whip up some cure for his...condition. This is not a permanent fix.]**_

__"Did I mention you look beautiful tonight?"

If she could, Celty would be blushing a violent shade of red. Shinra, goofy, weird Shinra, had the ability to make her melt. The effects of puppy love, she supposed. Celty made herself snap out of it. She wouldn't give Shinra the satisfaction of knowing how a single sentence from him could make her see stars. Wasn't she supposed to be playing the hard-ass anyway?

_**[Though I will allow it, I'm not too happy with this arrangement, Shinra.]**_

__"Please, spare me from your wrath."

_**[Comments like that won't help your case.]**_

__"Sorry."

_**[You are on exile from our bedroom. You will be sleeping on the couch until further notice.]**_

Shinra looked furious with himself.

_-Later that night-_

Once Erika and Walker had cleared out, Shinra pumped up the old air mattress while Celty scrambled to come up with spare blankets.

Izaya wrote 'Mrs. Izaya Heiwajima' over and over again on sheets of notebook paper, dotting the 'I's with hearts. Upon seeing these little doodles, Shinra and Celty both felt like vomiting.

By the time Celty had changed into her pink pajamas, the day's events had worn her out. She climbed into the bed that she and Shinra had been sharing for about two years. She usually liked the cool sheets against her legs, but tonight they just felt like ice. She rolled back and forth. Getting comfortable was impossible. Celty sat up against the headboard, feeling utterly stupid. Maybe exiling Shinra was a bad idea. Celty sighed. Izaya was a lucky bastard. He got to be with the best man in the world tonight.

Meanwhile, Shinra and Izaya sat in awkward silence in the living room. Well, Izaya was hum-singing the lyrics to a love song in a dreamy haze while Shinra lay on the couch staring at the ceiling, pretending he couldn't hear the information broker's annoying warble.

"Hey Shinra," said Izaya, rolling over on his air mattress to face the doctor. "Do you think that Shizu-chan likes my haircut?"

Shinra suppressed a groan. Why did he have to be the guidance counselor?

"I'm sure he thinks it's just fine."

"Just fine?" The information broker's voice grew to a screech. "_Just fine_?"

"More than just fine," Shinra quickly backtracked. "I'm sure he loves it."

"Good."

There was a moment of silence.

"I see you are joining me tonight. So your buxom lass rejected you?"

"Don't call Celty a 'buxom lass.'"

"Fine. So your fiancée rejected you?"

"Rejected is a strong word. More like…temporarily cast out."

Izaya snorted.

"Shut up and go to sleep."

"I'm not a fan of sleeping. I'd rather just watch you all night."

Shinra came to the sudden realization that the next few nights were going to be incredibly awkward.

"Do you _have to_?"

"Oh yes, I love to observe humans in their sleep. Anyway, that's beside the point. Hush, hush, Doctor. Close your eyes and go to sleep. This should be very interesting."

Shinra realized that even though Izaya was now part teenage girl, he still had his obscure quirks. But still, there was something extremely unsettling about having Izaya watching him while he slept. He stayed awake for hours, feeling the information broker's eyes boring into him no matter what he did to ignore it.

The next morning, Celty and Shinra were both exhausted. They sat across from each other at the coffee table, coffee mugs in hand.

_**[You look tired.]**_

__"Do I?"

_**[Starting to regret letting him stay?]**_

"Erm…Maybe."

_**[If it makes you feel better, I didn't sleep well either.]**_

__"Really?"

_**[Yeah. So where's Izaya?]**_

__"Oh, he went out on the balcony to get some fresh air."

_**[Shinra.]**_

__"Yes?"

Celty could clearly see the balcony from where she was sitting. Her stomach plummeted like an out of control elevator.

_**[Shinra, no one's out there.]**_

Shinra, whose back was turned to the balcony, whirled around. What the dullahan had said was true. The balcony was deserted. The couple raced to it, a light breeze billowing the folds of Celty's pajamas.

_**[The brat escaped! This is bad, Shinra. This is **__**really**__** bad.]**_

__"We'll have to go find him. Imagine what could happen if he runs into Shizuo?"

_**[I don't even want to think about it.]**_

"Go get your motorcycle. We've have to find him! Okay, you go find Izaya and bring him back here and I'll go find Shizuo and make sure he doesn't run into him."

_**[Got it.]**_

Shinra and Celty went their separate ways, while somewhere in the depths of Ikebukoro, Izaya was wandering.

**Well, it looks like the exposition is done. Now the real action can begin! Please review!**


	3. Stalker

**Chapter 3 is here!**

**Thanks for all your awesome reviews! I love you all.**

Izaya was in a glorious mood. He was sitting on the curb of an empty service road. Accompanying Izaya was a mortified Walker, whose face was violent red with embarrassment, and a hysterical Erika, who was laughing so hard she was haing trouble breathing. Izaya had crossed paths with the Otakus that morning, and ever since, it had been a mad dash to find Shizuo. Well, it had been a mad dash for Izaya and Erika, but Walker was strongly against it. In response to his protest, Erika had simply gripped her friend by the arm and dragged him through the streets as if she was pulling along a stuffed animal.

Izaya punched a number into one of his many cell phones. After a few seconds of ringing, Shizuo picked up.

"This is Shizuo Heiwajima." The debt collector's deep voice came clear and strong through the speaker.

Izaya cleared his throat and spoke into the phone using a smoky, sexy tone.

"Helllooooo, Big Kitty."

"Who is this?"

"Your lover."

There was a shocked silence. Izaya could almost hear Shizuo's jaw dropping on the other end of the phone. He took pleasure in that reaction. It certainly wasn't what Shizuo had been expecting. Walker looked intensely uncomfortable, as if he would give a limb to be anywhere else. Erika was on cloud nine. Izaya stifled a cackle and continued on in a flirty voice.

"What's wrong, Sugar Cube? Cat got your tongue?"

After a brief pause, there was a knowing chuckle from the other end of the line. "Well if it isn't Izaya Orihara. This is a first. What do you want?"

"Why so suspicious, Shizu-chan? Can't I call my little Snookums without an interrogation?"

"The next time I see you I am going to kick your scum-sucking little butt to South America."

"Is that like…a date?"

Shizuo hung up on the spot.

_-Two hours later-_

Celty was in a state of panic. After hours of searching Ikebukoro, Izaya was still M.I.A. As the dullahan sped down the highway, she looked in every alley, every corner she passed. Still no Izaya.

"_Where are you hiding, you little demon?"_ She wondered darkly while crossing another intersection. As she passed a public park, Celty saw Shizuo Heiwajima in her peripheral vision. Celty made a swift, decidedly illegal U-turn and sped over to her friend. Shizuo smiled as Celty skidded to a stop in front of him.

"Oh, hello Celty. Looking for something?"

_**[Err…Sort of. Have you seen Izaya lately?]**_

"Izaya? Is that little flea messing with you?" Shizuo grew visibly tenser at the very mention of the information broker.

_**[No, I was just wondering.]**_

"Well, don't look now, but he's probably right behind you."

Celty struggled to keep herself form whirling around. She should have known from the moment she started searching. Find Shizuo, and you were sure to find Izaya.

_**[What?]**_

"Yeah, he's been following me all morning with those Otakus. You know, Kadota's friends? They've been following me around all morning. I wouldn't be surprised if they were hiding behind one of those bushes." He gestured to the large shrubs in the park. "They even called me on my cell, some sort of weird prank, I suppose. Looks like they're plotting something. Just brilliant." The debt collector's face softened, and for a fraction of a second, Celty saw something in his eyes that could only be called tenderness. "It's kind of cute, I suppose. The little flea is just so damn socially awkward. I guess I'm not really one to talk, but I still can't help but laugh." He sighed. "Oh well, is there anything else I can help you with? Anything at all? You just say the word."

_**[No, I'm fine. Thanks Shizuo.]**_

"No problem."

Celty waved goodbye and sped away on her motorcycle. She couldn't concentrate on the spinning world around her. The conversation with Shizuo had certainly given her some things to think about. It was about five minutes later that she realized she had left Izaya stalking Shizuo back at the park and had to go back and bring him back to the apartment.

_-That night-_

Celty was too tired to continue Shinra's sentence, so the doctor was invited back to his normal bed. All hard feelings were set aside as the couple snuggled under the stage. Surviving Izaya would only be possible in each other's company. Nestled in the crook of Shinra's arm, Celty reached over to the nightstand to grab her PDA.

_**[Shinra.]**_

"Hmmm?"

_**[I was thinking about Shizuo and Izaya.]**_

"What about them?"

_**[I love you Shinra. Aren't you glad we ended up together? Aren't you glad we're getting married this year?]**_

"Of course," The doctor replied slowly. "What do those two have to do with us?"

_**[This is going to sound crazy. And stupid. And wrong. But I think we should try to get Shizuo and Izaya together.]**_

Shinra said nothing.

_**[Shinra, when I was talking to Shizuo this morning, I saw…a spark. How else could it be explained? I think, maybe deep down, Shizuo loves Izaya.]**_

"Gosh Celty, how many romantic comedies have you been watching lately? That was quite possibly the corniest thing you've ever said."

_**[Oh hush. Shinra.]**_

"I suppose Erika was right all along. I can't say this whole thing was much of a surprise. Opposites do attract, right?"

_**[Yeah. Nevertheless, we need to establish ground rules for Izaya if he's going to live with us. I don't want to have a wild goose chase to find Izaya every morning.]**_

"Definitely."


	4. Ground Rules

_**Celty & Shinra's**_

**GROUND RULES FOR IZAYA ORIHARA**

1. Upon leaving the residence, inform Celty and I before leaving. State where you are going and when you intend on coming back.

Curfew is at 9:00 pm.

_**[Edit: Curfew is at 7:00 pm. Sharp.]**_

Edit: He's not 8 years old, Celty.

_**[Edit: Don't make me exile you to the couch.]**_

Edit: Disregard my previous statements. Curfew is at 7:00 pm. Sharp. No escapades are to be had after this time, period.

2. Contact with Shizuo Heiwajima is prohibited unless authorized by Celty or me.

3. Scheming with Erika Karisawa is prohibited.

4. Cookie dough consumption is to be minimal.

5. You are forbidden to get an "I heart Shizu-chan" tattoo.

6. Don't play with my medical instruments!

_**[Edit:…]**_

Edit: I mean it Izaya! You can't peel fruit with my scalpels! Those are important tools, not kitchen appliances!

7. Don't touch any of my medical instruments in general.

_**[Edit: Why don't you just touch nothing? OOH! Better yet, why don't you go play in a microwave?]**_

Edit: Celty, really, can't you be more hospitable?

8. DON'T USE CELTY'S MOTORCYCLE.

_**[Edit: If you much as touch shooter, my punch will make your face a moon crater. Do you understand, you sadistic little Eskimo?]**_

9. You are to take a leave of absence from being an information broker.

_**[I don't want to see any of your no-good double-crossing clients showing up at our door, you hear?]**_

10. Don't call my fiancée a 'buxom lass.'

_**[The jerk said that? Remind me to kill him.]**_

11. Failure to follow any of the rules above and I will refuse to operate on you. You will be stuck with the manufactured hormones forever.

_**[Edit: If you step one TOE out of line and you'll wish you had never been born!] **_


	5. Attempt the First: Social Lessons

**Hey readers! I hope your Valentine's Day was above and beyond. I will still be continuing this story even though V-day has passed. (I hope I still have readers.) Anyway, the idea for this chapter came from my good friend mountain ash. Check out her stuff, she's a writing genius.**

**SUNSHINE AND SUSHI!**

Needless to say, Izaya broke Ground Rule #2 about 3 days after the rules were initiated. It had all started when Celty, Shinra, and Izaya went out for Russia sushi. Celty and Shinra were attempting to teach Izaya the basics of social skills. Both had recognized that if Izaya was ever going to end up with Shizuo, he needed drastic reform in the way of social skills. Under that scheming, double-crossing shell, was a fairly awkward human being.

"_So_," Shinra said, drumming his fingers against the surface of their table. They sat in a secluded booth towards the back of Russia sushi.

"Hmm?" Izaya sounded dazed, not all there.

Shinra cleared his throat. "What lovely weather we're having."

Silence.

"It's been warm lately."

"Hmmm." Izaya replied dreamily.

"Pretty soon, we'll be breaking out those swim trunks, am I right?"

_**[Shinra, it's February. It's cold. It's bitter.]**_

"Celty, I am _trying_ to make small talk. Have you no respect?"

Celty stepped in.

_**[Try a different tactic. I don't think his mind is on the current weather.]**_

Why did Celty have to be so right all the time?

"Er…Izaya, that Shizuo's pretty cute, isn't he?"

Izaya snapped out of his haze, instantly alert.

"Of course. What do you think is his cutest feature? Is it his nose? That is a good a nose to have. It's pretty cute."

"Gosh," Shinra answered lamely, "I think his clothes are pretty…hip. I mean, I'm totally jealous of those…cool-kid shades."  
Celty's body started shaking like a tremor, erupting in silent laughter.

"I don't know why he always hides behind those sunglasses; he has the sweetest brown eyes." Izaya frowned, prodding a sushi roll with his chopstick.

"Oh yeah…Those eyes sure are…fab."

"I think his arms are the best. They're so strong. I bet he's hiding arm mussels the size of cantaloupes under that bartender's uniform."

Shinra said nothing.

"Not to mention abs! He's probably ripped. My Shizu-chan is _hot_," Izaya said with delight.

Color rushed to Shinra's cheeks. He felt like he was standing on the bow of a sinking ship. He stared out the window as Izaya almost aggressively described the perfection of Shizuo's physique. Shinra shot his fiancée a pleading look that spelled out 'save me.' Celty pretended she hadn't understood him and merely shrugged.

"…And personally, I think he would look adorable in those adult footie-pajamas, you know, the flannel ones? I mean there are so many other fashion options than black-tie. I suppose it doesn't matter. He looks like an angel in everything he wears. You know, I hope he doesn't ever get his hair cut! It's so adorable the way it is now, I should get the same cut. Do you think I should-"

"You know Izaya," Shinra interrupted, standing up quickly. "I think it's time to go back to the apartment. Let's get moving."

Izaya shoved the last sushi roll in his mouth as Shinra and Celty pooled money to pay for the bill. They were preparing to leave when a distressed Mikado burst into the restaurant, out of breath.

"Kida and Anri…Police…Misunderstanding…_Help_." He gasped, bending over and panting like a dog.

"Not good," Shinra cringed, turning to Celty, who was beginning to panic.

_**[Not good. So not good. We have to go straighten things out. Where are they, Mikado?]**_

"The police station."

_** [Just Brilliant. That's halfway across town.] **_She whirled on Izaya._** [Izaya, head back to the apartment. No detours, just go straight there. If you do anything you shouldn't, I'll lock you in the refrigerator for a week, understand?]**_

She didn't wait for an answer.

_**[Shinra, Mikado, let's get down to the police station before anything bad happens.] **_

"Got it."

"Let's go."

The trio was gone in a heartbeat, and soon the haunting cries of Celty's motorcycle could be heard as it sped away.

Izaya stood in the practically deserted restaurant staring at the door before making his way back to the dullahan's apartment.

Now you must understand, Izaya did not set out with the intention of meeting Shizuo Heiwajima. He just so happened to be strolling by in the opposite direction when he ran into the debt collector.

"Shizu-chan! Shizu-chan!" Izaya squealed the moment he saw his crush and raced up to Shizuo, causing several civilians to stare. The hairs on the back of Shizuo's neck stood up on end as he felt the gaze of several mildly interested onlookers on him. With all those eyes on him, he felt naked.

"_Izaya_," he hissed in a whisper only loud enough for the information broker to hear. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Talking to you?"

"Don't be a smart-ass. Look, just don't attract attention to us and I promise I won't wide the floor with your face, you little flea."

"Remember your manners, Shizu-chan. Fine, fine, I'll be quiet."

"What are you up to anyway? Screwing someone over?"

"No, no, just getting some fresh air and good exercise."

"Really?"

"Really."

Shizuo highly doubted this, but he didn't say so.

"Shizu-chan, I was wondering, do you have huge abs?" Izaya blurted out the question, unable to contain his honest wonder.

Shizuo threw his head back laughing. There was something about that curious look in Izaya's eyes, genuine and childish, that was…irresistible.

"Is there no filter between your mind and your mouth? Why the hell would you think that?"

"Duh, my Shizu-chan is very strong!"

"Well, no, I do not have really huge abs."

"Oh. Hey Shizu-chan, do you believe in fate?"

"Where did that come from?" Shizuo thought for a moment. It struck him as odd that he was having a deep conversation with Izaya, of all people. The weirdest part was, the whole thing felt natural. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Hmm. Interesting. My Shizu-chan believes in fate. I guess you learn something new every day."

Shizuo smiled, a strange, unknown warm feeling flooding his chest. He barely even noticed he had been addressed as 'my Shizu-chan,' and on some sub-conscious level, he didn't care. Suddenly, Shizuo became aware of that alien emotion he was feeling for the first time in his life. Like all unknown things barging in his world, he didn't like it. What was going on? Was it possible that he was…_enjoying_ himself with someone who was supposed to be his enemy?

"I've got places to be," he grumbled, pushing past Izaya and through the cold February streets, leaving the information broker alone on the curb. Izaya watched him go until the busy streets swallowed him up like a large monster, with the thought that perhaps the fate that was pulling him towards the strongest man in Ikebukoro was the very same fate Shizuo believed in.


	6. The Winter Carnival

**Hey guys! Just another chapter!**

**This is totally off topic, but Happy Birthday on Thursday to **_**Naruto's**_** awesome ninja SAKURA HARUNO!**

Shizuo liked Sundays. They were slow and peaceful, he was free to sleep in as late as he pleased, and there would probably be no trouble from that ridiculous doctor or that stupid Eskimo. On Saturday night, Shizuo had hit the sack on the early side, not setting his alarm, and could look forward to a day out of the fast lane before jumping back into the fray. Or so he thought.

It was 5:21 am. Shizuo was nestled under his sheets, when suddenly, his cell phone started going off in a series of music notes. The ring tone, which had seemed sensible when Shizuo had picked it out upon buying the phone, now seemed overwhelmingly annoying. Shizuo reached out to his nightstand, grabbing for the phone but never actually finding it. He zombie-walked across the bedroom, blindly following the noise until he finally gripped the cool shell of his cell phone.

"_The hell do you want_?" He growled into the speaker.

"It's me."

Shinra. What did that obnoxious doctor have to say that couldn't wait until 9:00 am?

"_What_," Shizuo sighed, shuffling to his bed and falling back on the covers, "can I help you with?"

"I need a favor."

"Go on," Shizuo said slowly, not liking where the conversation was heading.

"It's kind of a big favor."

"Just how big are we talking?"

"Well, there's this thing...this, erm, carnival thing, and Celty and I would like you to come with us."

"Can't you two go by yourselves?"

"That's the thing. There's this other person coming with us, kind of a third wheel, and we really need a companion for him."

"Can't you guys have fun as a group?"

"Shizuo," Shinra moaned, "don't you see? This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to show Celty my undying devotion to her! I'll take her on all the scary rides and she'll get totally freaked out, but then Mr. Perfect-fiancé Shinra will come to the rescue! It's the perfect set up! Five minutes into the first ride and we'll be in snuggle land! But that will never happen if the other guy is lurking in the background the whole time. That's why you _have_ to come with us."

"And when is this little event taking place?"

"Erm…well, this afternoon."

Shizuo massaged his temples. "So let me get this straight, you want me to sacrifice my Sunday, the one day of the week when I can count on a moment of peace in this town, so you can have a romantic afternoon with Celty?"

"That's kind of the idea."

Shizuo was silent.

"_Please_, Shizuo. You could have fun! It's not like we're asking you to have rectal surgery or anything!"

Shizuo considered. He didn't have any other plans. He knew that Celty's week was most likely stressful considering her job, so she would probably appreciate a little romantic gesture from her kooky boyfriend. If anything, he could do this for his friend.

"Fine, I guess I could stay for a few hours."

"Thank you Shizuo! I owe you one!" The doctor was overjoyed. "Okay, we'll pick you up around noon, dress warm!" Then Shinra promptly hung up and Shizuo sat dazed and confused on the foot of his bed. He ran a hand through his mussed blonde hair, wondering what he had gotten himself into.

-6 and a half hours later-

True to his word, Shinra was knocking on Shizuo's door at 12:00 sharp. Ikebukoro's strongest man stood in the hallway of his apartment for a long moment, listening to his friend's frantic banging before finally opening the door.

Grinning like the unassuming idiot he was, Shinra Kishitani waved merrily.

"Hey Shizuo! Ready for F-U-N?"

Shizuo forced a smile and felt slightly awkward in the face of Shinra's lame hey-kids-let's-go-on-a-field-trip attitude. He slipped a puffy winter coat over his bartender's outfit, an unusual clash of clothing, and followed the cheerful doctor down the hallway and into the city. It was miraculously sunny for February, but still bitterly cold despite the blue sky. Shizuo felt like a bloated marshmallow in his coat, but in the frigid air he pulled it closer to his skin as he and Shinra crossed the street.

"We're going to take a cab, the carnival is a ways out of 'Bukoro," Shinra was saying, spitting out words just to fill the conversation.

"Hmmm." Shizuo offered weakly.

They approached a yellow cab and lumbered into the vehicle. Shizuo and Shinra squished into the back seat with the other two passengers. It hadn't occurred to Shizuo until that very moment that he would be spending the afternoon with a stranger while the other two fair-goers would be cuddling on the monster rides. He glanced over at the other passengers in the cab and had a minor heart attack. Izaya Orihara was sitting next to Celty in the crowded cab, casually drawing swirls on the fogged over window.

"I-Izaya?" Shinra choked.

"Hmmm?" Izaya looked up at the debt collector. "Shizuo? Whoa, that is so funny, I had no idea whatsoever that you were going to be here, that is such a funny little coincidence! He said it a little too quickly, feigning a melodramatic expression of surprise.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. His internal bullshit radar was going crazy. He knew something fishy was going on, he just couldn't decide what it was.

The car ride was mostly a gapping silence. Celty was in a crabby mood, her arms crossed tightly across her chest while agitated puffs of smoke were bursting from her neck like lava from a volcano. Someone had clearly been dragged out of bed a little too early that morning. Shizuo rolled down a window halfway to flush the compiling black smoke out of the car. He felt a pang of sympathy for the poor cab driver, who had turned white as flour and was looking straight ahead, thin beads of sweat forming rivers on his forehead. Well, it _would_ be pretty terrifying if a grouchy headless woman and an infamous information broker with a gift for screwing people over just piled into the backseat of your cab. Throw in a guy with the strength to boot your butt halfway across the city with a single kick, and it was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Ooh, look, we're almost there!" Shinra sounded remarkably childish as he pointed to a flurry of lights and noise on the horizon. They were about 15 minutes out of the city, surrounded by clusters of houses and small buildings.

_**[Great. We're here. La-Dee-Da. Now can we go home?] **_

__"Celty! We're having an outing! Now what did I say about having fun?"

_**[Having fun ensures a good time for everybody and entertainment for the whole family.] **_

Was it possible to type with spite? Shizuo wasn't sure.

"Exactly! See, this won't be so bad!"

Celty didn't look convinced.  
The cab driver pulled up to the curb a block away from the carnival. Shinra fished a couple bills from his pocket and handed them to the driver. The cab driver thanked him in a small, nervous voice and was gone the second the four passengers climbed out.

The group made their way to a ticket booth where Shinra continued to drain his wallet, and then strolled into the theme park.

"Well," Shinra smiled, coiling his arm around Celty's waist, "it's been fun, but I think we should split up. Celty and I will meet you guys back here at 5:00 pm. Have fun!" He abruptly dragged Celty off to a bright ride called "The Tunnel of Love." He glanced at Shizuo over his shoulder and winked.

"I see now," Izaya chuckled as he watched the couple leave. "That ridiculous doctor wanted to dump me for the day. Very clever, Shinra."

"What are you talking about?" Shizuo asked, confused.

"Oh nothing," Izaya replied smoothly. "Well, I suppose we should try some of the rides."

"I guess."

"Now, what to try first. How about that one!" He pointed to a ride entitled 'The Drop of Death!'

"No thanks, I like my internal organs to stay in their proper place."

"Okay, then how about that rollercoaster!" He pointed to a coaster that had many complex twists and turns. The structure looked so old and rickety; Shizuo suspected it would crumble into splinters within the next hour.

"Let's not do that one."

Izaya grumbled. "Fine, you pick one."

"I don't care what we do, as long as it won't kill us."

Izaya grinned like the Cheshire cat. "You don't care, my Shizu-chan?"

"I suppose not," Shizuo answered cautiously.

"Very well," Izaya cackled, grabbing a reluctant Shizuo be the arm and pulling him into the crowd.

-10 minutes later-

Shizuo had been stripped of his dignity. Totally stripped. He sat awkwardly on the plastic stallion bedazzled with red gems. Of all the rides, Izaya _just_ had to pick the carousel. The revolving circle of animals and bright lights made Shizuo feel like a fish out of water. A couple seats in front of him was Izaya, sitting proudly on the girlish pony of them all: a white mare decorated with roses and pink jewels on the reins. Parents stared at the two grown men on the children's ride, their faces a jumble of confused and mildly entertained expressions.

"Quit brooding, Shizu-chan!" Izaya called over his shoulder.

Shizuo clutched the sides of his stallion in a death grip. He wondered how many of the people gawking knew him. The trip was proving to bruise his reputation. The carousel started up, the horses bobbing and an irritating music box melody.

"Mmpph. Stupid Shinra and his stupid little carnival." Shizuo grumbled in anger.

"What was that Shizu-chan? I can't hear you! Speak louder!" Izaya yelled.

"Nothing!" Shizuo bellowed. "Everything's just _fine_!"

Izaya didn't reply. As the ride got faster and faster, the colors and shapes of the carousel blurred into one, and Shizuo could feel breakfast churning in his stomach. He felt like he was going to throw up when he noticed Izaya filming him on his cellphone.

"IZAYA! PUT THAT AWAY!"

"Smile, my lovely Shizu-chan!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Blackmail, what did you think?"

"I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER MET ME IF YOU DON'T PUT THAT AWAY RIGHT NOW!"

` "But the camera loves you!"

"IT WON'T LOVE ME AFTER I FINISH CRUSHING IT!"

"Come now Shizu-chan, I don't think I'm causing that much harm."

"I'LL TEACH YOU TO HUMILIATE ME, YOU SICK LITTLE-"

Needless to say, the pair was kicked off the ride before anything got violent.

"You keep yourself in line," Shizuo whispered to Izaya as they walked away from the carousel. "That was close. Too close. The cops could've gotten involved. Don't try any stunts like that again."

"Yes Shizu-chan," Izaya murmured quietly.

Shizuo then realized how accustomed he had gotten to being called 'Shizu-chan.' He felt almost positively about the nickname. The thought made him uncomfortable, a fluttering feeling in his stomach as subtle as the trembling of moth wings. The debt collector flushed all unwanted thoughts down the drain and herded his companion to the nearest ride. The Ferris wheel. The pair sat in one of the wheel cars in silence as the ticket collector pulled a safety belt over their heads. The Ferris wheel came a jerk and was in motion, but the two companions were still in silence.

"Shizu-chan, don't hate me forever!" Izaya cried finally.

"What? I've hated you from day one! Why stop now?" Shizuo threw his head back laughing.

"I'm sorry Shizu-chan. I'll burn my cell phone if it makes you feel better! Actually," he said as an afterthought, "I'm very skilled at destroying cell phones."

"Nah, just delete the video."

"Well, that'll be tough; it's already all over the internet."

"IZAYA!"

"Yeah, already a million hits on one website."

"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!"

"I'm just kidding, Shizu-chan." Izaya threw his hands up defensively. "It never left my phone."

"Don't do that to me!"

Izaya snorted. "Your face, though! I wish I had a video of _that_!"

Shizuo stopped short. The information broker was cracking up, chest heaving with laughter.

Shizuo's frown dissolved. He cracked a smile, chuckling a little himself.

"Sorry, for all the years I've known you, I'm still not used to getting punk'd by the local eskimo."

Their car was reaching the top of the wheel now. Shizuo could see the land laid out in front of him, as if he was sitting on the top of the world. Suddenly, their car stopped with a jerk. It lurched uneasily, like a local drunkard swaying on a bar stool. The ride seemed to shutter, then came to a complete stop. Shizuo and Izaya were on the very top of the Ferris wheel.

Voices echoed from the control panel below.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh, I think it's broken."

"Crap. I'll go get the boss."

Back on the top of the wheel, Izaya was panicking.

"It's broken? No! I'll die up here! I'll never see Namie-chan again! I was going to tell her tomorrow that I broke her ipod! We're going to die!"

As if on cue, the car swayed downwards. Izaya huddled next to Shizuo.

"Shizu-chan, SAVE ME!"

"Stay calm! They'll fix it soon."

"But what if they don't!"

"Trust me. You can trust me. It'll be okay."

Out of the blue, the Ferris wheel jerked forwards again, back in order. The jolt lifted Izaya up a bit, just enough of a jerk to press his lips against Shizuo's. It was an unintended kiss. The two remained lip locked for seconds. At first there was only shock. But then there was disgust.

At that moment, the whole fairground could hear the Shizuo Heiwajima's thunderous roar.

"IZAYA!"

By the time 5:00 pm rolled around, it was almost dark. Celty and Shinra were 5 minutes late. When they came sauntering up to the meeting place, it was evident that Shinra's plan had worked. The grumpy Celty from before was gone, and the dullahan was shaking from invisible laughter. Heart-shaped puffs of smoke flowed from her neck like the hysterical giggles of a teenage girl. One of her arms was snaked around his shoulder and the other ruffled his hair as he kissed her neck.

_Get a room lovebirds, _Shizuo thought, rolling his eyes.

_**[How was it, you two?] **_Celty cheerily typed.

"Fine. It was fine." The two men answered in unison, looking anywhere but at each other as their cheeks turned a slightly pink. Never in a million years would they recount the Incident that had occurred at the top of the Ferris wheel. A slight smile played on Izaya's lips, but Shizuo looked deathly pale. Thankfully, the love-struck soon-to-be-weds didn't pick up on anything, clearly absorbed in nothing but each other.

"Let's go home." Shinra cooed.

_**[Yeah…]**_

Shizuo called for a cab and the four friends retreated back to the city. Izaya looked out the cab window, secretly overjoyed that he had kissed Shizuo Heiwajima for the first time.


	7. Intimate Valentine's Day Setting, ho!

**Wow, you guys are way too cool! Thanks for all your reviews, they make me smile. **

**Note: Kokoro, Japan is a fictional location. For those of you who don't know, 'kokoro' is Japanese for heart. 3**

**SUNSHINE AND SUSHI!**

It was February 11th. Shinra and Celty sat quietly at the coffee table, soaking in the morning. Shinra traced the rim of his coffee cup with his index finger, dreamily flipping through the paper, while Celty stared out into the rainy sky. It was during these peaceful moments that the dullahan forgot she and her boyfriend had more or less kidnapped a string-pulling information broker who had recently developed a crush on his sworn nemesis. The information broker in question had been rather quiet since the somewhat uneventful trip to the winter carnival. He had been camping out in bathroom for the past few days. Celty was wondering if there was something she and Shinra didn't know.

"So…" Celty's thoughts were interrupted by her fiancé.

_**[Yeah?]**_

"I've been thinking. Do you want to go out of town for Valentine's Day?"

_**[What did you have in mind?]**_

Shinra held up the newspaper he was reading. A colorful ad was printed near the bottom of the page in pink cursive reminiscent to the font on a 6 year old girl's birthday cake: _All-You Can Dance Night! This Valentine's Day at the Rising Sun Hotel in Kokoro! Bring your dancing shoes and your sweetheart!_

Celty dubiously stared at the advertisement. _**[That doesn't really seem like our type of thing. Kokoro is a pretty far drive.]**_

"Now Celty, it could be a blast! Think of all the memories we'd make!"

_** [Shinra, why do you **__**really**__** want to go to this?]**_

The doctor feigned offense. "Celty, I am an honest man, you know that! Why would I ever hide anything from you? I just think a night of fun and festivity would be nice!"

_** [Shinra. You don't need to keep this up. What's going on?]**_

Shinra's eyes flashed. "Well, since you saw through my little charade so easily, I'll tell you! This is the perfect set-up for Izaya and Shizuo!" Shinra grinned at his fiancée, proud of his brilliant plot. The dullahan, on the other hand, was not as dazzled.

Shinra's smile fell at her lack of enthusiasm. "You don't look impressed."

_**[No offense, but this looks kind of lame. How is it supposed to make those two idiots fall in love?]**_

Shinra's malicious facial expression caused a shiver to go up Celty's spine. "The mood."

_**[…]**_

"I thought the genius of this plan would be obvious! We'll make sure they spend the whole day together. The idyllic setting and lovey-dovey atmosphere are perfect. It guarantees romantica!"

_** [Is that even a word?]**_

"It is now!"

_**[You never fail to amaze me.]**_

"Aww, thanks Celty," Shinra blushed into his coffee.

_** [I didn't exactly mean that as a compliment.]**_

Shinra ignored her, "Besides, this works out perfect for you and me. We could get a room to have all to ourselves. It could be a Valentine's Day you'll never forget." He winked at his girlfriend.

Despite herself, Celty was somewhat enchanted by the doctor's sweet-yet- perverted side.

_**[Well, it could work…]**_

The pair commenced to plot, the rain outside growing heavier. If Celty and Shinra had stopped their conversation for a minute or so and listened, through the patter of the rain they would have heard a quiet sobs coming from the bathroom.

_-Later that day-_

Shizuo was lying on the kitchen floor of his apartment, playing the therapist and the patient.

"Stupid flea. I hate that damn maggot. I'm going to kill him. _I'm going to kill him until he's dead!_ I've always hated him and I always will!" He held his hand up in a fist and threw punches at the air. "He's a dead man! I'll kill him before I can change my mind! That kiss meant nothing! There…there was no spark!" He threw one final punch, and then dropped his fist, groaning at the ceiling. How did this happen? No matter how many times he told himself otherwise his feelings were…softening. Why was he loosing grip on the hate that he had become so accustomed to? Every fiber in his body was confused. Shizuo was pulled from his thoughts by the ring of his cell phone. Cursing softly, he took the call.

"Hello?"

It was Shinra.

"Hey Shizuo! What are your plans for Valentine's Day?"

_-February 13__th__, 9:00 in the morning-_

After Shinra had proposed the weekend trip, Celty had been secretly counting down the hours. A romantic evening with Shinra was always something to look forward to, Valentine's Day or not. So when she packed her sleep away bag, locked the apartment and walked down to the lobby, Celty shook with excitement. She strode briskly into the February cold and out to the large van that Shinra had taken the liberty of renting for the next three days.

She popped open the truck and slung her duffel bag into the back. Riding in cars was a new experience for Celty. She didn't need to be constantly on guard, like she was when she rode Shooter. There was no need for a helmet, part of her normal getup. She didn't even have to keep her eyes on the road, seeing as Shinra was driving. That being said, the doctor's driving skills were a little scary. Celty wondered if Shinra had even bothered with going through driver's Ed. He ran red lights like there was no tomorrow. He often confused the brakes with the gas pedal, and swerved dangerously around tight corners. Celty banished all bad thoughts and climbed into shot-gun, where Shinra was waiting for her. However, they weren't alone. The first thing Celty noticed when she got into the van was not only Izaya, but the two Otakus sitting in the backseat.

"Hey, Celty," Erika chirped, glancing up from the manga she was reading.

"Greetings, Dark Rider of the Night." Walker nodded solemnly, sitting next to his friend.

Celty turned to Shinra. Her fiancé wouldn't meet her gaze, staring at the gas monitor guiltily.

_**[Shinra, why are these two here?]**_

"Well, that's a funny story, actually."

_**[Why am I not surprised?]**_

"Celty, please don't be mad, I only invited them because I thought they could help us with Shizuo and Izaya!"

"I humbly accepted the challenge," Erika said dramatically, "for the sake and future of YAOI!"

"Besides," Shinra interjected before Celty could protest. "The more the merrier! Now let's go pick up Shizuo."

Izaya said nothing, listening to head phones with the volume turned all the way up so he could be in his own little world. Celty could hear teen idols crooning from the headphones. Aside from an unhealthy addiction to Shizuo, Izaya had been bedazzled by a boy band named 'Testosterone Junction.' Despite the fact that the band was targeted towards girls about 13 years of age, Izaya was moonstruck. Celty would have sworn up and down that their CDs were playing on a 24-hour loop at the apartment.

Celty looked wistfully out the window as Shinra pulled away from the curb and wondered if that intimate weekend vacation with Shinra that she had been picturing was a figment of her imagination.

Somehow, Shinra had been able to convince Shizuo to come along with them. Sure enough, the blond was waiting for them, a suitcase in hand, when they reached his apartment. Silently, Shizuo placed his luggage in the trunk and climbed into the van. Upon seeing each other, Izaya and Shizuo flushed red and looked away from each other.

"Now Shizuo, you play nice with Izaya," Shinra said sternly from the driver's seat. Shizuo could do nothing but glare. Even Erika was aware of the thick tension and had the sense not to go spouting off yaoi jargon.

The rest of the drive was fairly quiet. Erika and Walker had their heads buried in obscure manga through the whole drive, and Shinra put on an old CD before the lack of conversation could make things too awkward. The van's passengers tried not to react when Izaya fell fast asleep on Shizuo's shoulder, drooling slightly. Shizuo tensed up, the hairs on his head going sticking out on end, and glanced hopelessly at the sleeping man. He fidgeted, but didn't disturb his companion.

After a couple hours of driving, Shinra finally pulled up to the Rising Sun Hotel in Kokoro. Izaya awoke with a start, glanced up at Shizuo and turned a fire truck red. The group piled out of the van and checked into the hotel.

"Okay," Shinra said as he passed out room keys. "Celty and I are rooming, Erika and Walker, you guys are sharing a room, and Izaya and Shizuo…"

"Wait." Shizuo's eyes widened in terror. "I have to share a room with...with _him_?"

"Well, yes."

"Who are you to go and set me up with my-"

"It was a budget thing!"

Shizuo was looking like a bull ready to compete in a bull fight. Shinra searched for words to cool him down.

"Well, I just _assumed_ that surely you are _mature_ enough to handle two nights in the same room as Izaya."

The words worked like magic. Shizuo, still steaming, started grumbling about a certain double-crossing conniving doctor, but went along with the arrangement. As the group split and parted ways, Shizuo and Izaya made their way to their room. Izaya fiddled with the key and finally managed to open the door. Shizuo and Izaya wordlessly walked into the hotel room. It was a pretty average, a small bathroom, a kitchen area, and a sleeping area. Shizuo surveyed the room, nodding in approval, until he noticed one thing. There was only one bed.

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!"

"Oh Shizu-chan, it seems we have gotten ourselves into a conundrum!"

**Sorry for a boring chapter. The next will have lots of action. Possibly a conclusion to our ridiculous romantic dilemma is in the near future. WINK WINK. **

**Thanks for reading! **


	8. Intruder Alert!

**I think I want to hug all of you. Your reviews make me so happy! **

**Here is chapter 8. I had some fun writing this…**

**It also occurs to me that I had intended to have this wrapped up by Valentine's Day. Oops. **

**Happy Birthday to Izaya on May 4****th**** and Deidara (from Naruto) on May 5****th****!**

"Okay," Shizuo said, trying to keep reason in mind. "Let's handle this rationally. Like composed,mature men."

Izaya snorted.

"Shut up flea!"

It was 11:00 pm. The roommates were standing on opposite sides of the dormitory, as far away from each other as the dimensions of the room allowed. Shizuo was leaning against the countertop of the kitchen area, amongst jars of instant coffee and mugs. Izaya sat on the toilet seat in the bathroom, tossing a virgin roll of toilet paper up in the air and then letting in fall back into his lap. Shizuo was ready for bed, to say the least. The night had been awkward enough. Seeing as Shizuo slept in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else, he had felt more than exposed in the presence of Izaya, whose eyes were glued to his roommate's fit body. The man had nerve. Izaya himself wore flannel pajamas that were almost identical to the clothes he wore every day.

Now, as the night drew Shizuo felt an impending storm cloud of doom hovering above him.

"Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan, there's nothing to fear!" Izaya grinned slyly. "You know, I think I saw a 'Do not disturb' sign somewhere around here. We'll definitely be needing-"

"Finish that sentence and you're a dead man." Shizuo flushed red, horrified at his temporary roommate's perverted mind. "You have the bed." He barked gruffly. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"But Shizu-chan! You'll freeze!"

"No," the blonde replied, shaking his head vigorously. "You can definitely have the bed all to yourself."

"But you'll-"

"_No_."

"Gosh Shizu-chan, if I had known you were such a chicken, I would have just brought a sleeping bag."

Shizuo ignored this. He snatched a pillow and tried to get comfortable on the floor. It was stone hard. The carpet provided no cushioning whatsoever. Shizuo rolled over on to his side and stared at the matting. Pieces of crud and dirt. Blemishes of unknown origin, possibly a coffee stain, maybe a flattened piece of gum that had become integrated with the flooring. Shizuo didn't really want to know what they were or how they got there.

When Izaya flicked the lights off, the darkness swallowed Shizuo. His skin erupted in gooseflesh and he suddenly wished he be could be under the warm covers of the bed.

It was pretty cold on the floor.

"Say, Izaya."

"Hmmm?"

"You don't think you could spare a couple blankets?"

"Hell no!"

"Why not, flea?"

"I'll be numb without them! Stay there and freeze or come to bed!"

Shizuo considered. After a long pause he stood up in the dark and retreated to the bed. Even though it was pitch black, Shizuo could tell Izaya was smirking.

"What is it, maggot?"

"Shizuo got in bed with me…How many times do you get to say that?"

"Quiet, you. Let's get some things straight right now." Shizuo traced an imaginary line down the middle of the bed with his finger. "This is the boundary marker. This is my side, and that's your side."

"Sure."

"Stay on your side."

"Whatever."

The Orihara grinned and poked Shizuo in the shoulder.

"I'm on your side!" He crowed in a sing-song voice.

"Follow the rules, maggot!"

"Rules were made to be broken, Shizu-chan!"

"Just shut up and get some sleep."

"I can't guarantee that, I'm a bit of an insomniac."

"Me too. My sleep patterns are all over the place."

The two companions sat leaning against the headboard in silence.

"So…" Shizuo said awkwardly.

"Quiet," the information broker interrupted stiffly.

"Sorry, just trying to make conversation."

"_Shh_!"

"Sorry, I-"

"No! Not _you_!" Izaya's voice dropped to a terrified whisper. Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"_That_!"

Shizuo paused and listened carefully. At first there was just blank silence. Then, he started to hear noises. Not big ones, just little ones. A tiny rustling noise. A muffled cough. A technological buzz, as if the intruder was using a phone, or a camcorder maybe? One thing was clear; they were not alone. The blonde's blood ran cold.

"Shizu-chan, what are we going to do?"

"I dunno, stay calm." Shizuo urged himself not to panic.

"Shizu-chan, you may not want to hear this right now, but I heard on the news last week that there was a serial killer on the loose in the countryside surrounding Ikebukoro."

Shizuo's stomach did a back flip in his chest. Izaya could see that his words were a mistake and he had only made the situation worse for his roommate.

"…But I'm sure they've caught him!" He added lamely. "I'm sure we have nothing to worry about!"

"Shut up flea, I'm trying to think of a plan!"

Shizuo considered the situation. The noises were coming from the bathroom, so the intruder was most definitely there – how had that happened? – and was obviously good at breaking and entering right under the noses of others. He or she had skillfully made it through the window, which Shizuo could see was open now that his eyes were completely adjusted to the light, and to the bathroom across the hotel room. With neither himself nor Izaya aware of it. In other words, they were dealing with a pro.

"Follow my lead," Shizuo whispered. "And be quiet!"

Izaya nodded. Shizuo slowly slid out of bed and crept to the small kitchen with Izaya on his tail. They crouched down by the cabinets as silent as dead men. The infiltrator (or was it _infiltrators_?) remained hushed in the bathroom, the only noises muffled by the closed door.

"Izaya," Shizuo muttered softly, "look in the cutlery drawers. Find something to defend yourself with."

"W-what about you, Shizu-chan?"

The blonde gave his companion a lop-sided smile. "I'm the strongest man in Ikebukoro, remember? I can put up a fight, for the sake of my title if nothing else."

"Okay. We can do this." Izaya pulled out a plastic spatula from a drawer and brandished it like a sword.

"Is that the best thing you could find?"

"Shut up. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can." Shizuo quietly fished through the cupboard next to him and pulled out a plastic bowl. He placed in on the Orihara's head, a helmet of sorts. "But be careful. Don't go and get yourself hurt on me, you stupid eskimo."

"As if I ever would."

"Just keep behind me, and if I tell you to run, _run_."

"But Shizuo, you'll-"  
"I'll be fine. Worry about yourself."

Izaya said nothing. Shizuo and Izaya approached the bathroom. The Orihara held his spatula like an AK-47, and Shizuo could feel his heart pumping in his chest. As they got closer and closer, he could make out little giggles. Fangirl giggles. It almost sounded like…Realization struck Shizuo like a punch to the gut and he boldly opened the door.

The two Otakus, Walker and Erika, turned in surprise as Shizuo threw open the bathroom door. Decked out in black body suits and burglar masks, they sat on the floor, a spectacle in their own right. Erika was swatting a hand-held video camera, trying to get it to function, and Walker was crouched next to his friend looking out of place as ever. A wave of emotion washed over Shizuo, more relief than anything. That relief quickly melted to fury.

"_What are you two little brats doing here_?!" Shizuo growled with rage.

"Trying to get some yaoi action on tape!_ Duh_!" Erika gestured to the video camera she was holding, which was usually used to tape anime episodes that came around on television.

While his friend seemed shamelessly unabashed, Walker's face flushed scarlet with pure mortification. Shizuo had to feel a little empathy, for the poor boy was obviously forced to play accomplice in Erika's insane grand scheme.

"If you two boneheads hadn't gotten all spooked, I could have gotten smoochies! On _tape_!" Erika looked like a child who had woken up on Christmas morning to no presents; her voice was laced with disappointment.

"What kind of sicko would-" Shizuo froze in mid-sentence. "Wait, did you just say…smoochies?"

"You don't say, Sherlock," Erika snapped.

Now it was Shizuo's turn to blush. "What? Why? _What_?"

"Yeesh, it's not rocket science. You two were obviously made for each other."

"I- well I wouldn't say…It's not your place to-" Ikebukoro's mightiest had been reduced to humiliated babble.

"Are you happy now?" Izaya asked Erika coolly, stepped in to rescue Shizuo.

"Heck yeah," the otaku grinned, waving the video camera around. "I got some tender moments. I especially liked the part where Shizu-chan gave you the protective headgear, that was pretty sweet."

"Get out or I will punch you out!" Shizuo had found his voice again.

"Don't have to tell me twice," Erika chirped. "I got what I came for. C'mon Walker, let's go back to our room and get some shut eye."

"You guys are sharing a room?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Nothing…And what were the sleeping arrangements of said room?"

"Oh nothing fancy, just two standard twin beds," Erika replied cheerily, dragging an ever-embarrassed Walker along with her.

"Wait, why did you get two beds while we only got…"

"Don't ask me, Shinra made the sleeping arrangements."

The doctor. Of course it was him. Who else would be so brazen as to herd two nemeses into the same bed, let alone the same hotel room?

"Remind me to kick his ass to Shinjuku," the blonde muttered, running a hand through his hair. The Otakus cleared out, and suddenly Shizuo was exhausted. "Okay Izaya, let's get some sleep."

"You're the boss, Shizu-chan."

**Thanks for reading!**


	9. Valentine's Day

**Chapter 9 is here, my pretties! This is, believe it or not, the LAST CHAPTER! Yeesh, this has been fun! Thanks for reading! You all have been so good to me, I will never forget the support!**

Shinra was awake at 4:30 in the morning, right on schedule. He looked over at the dozing woman beside him, smiling. It was a little known fact that when Celty hit the pillow, she was out until the 8:00 am the next morning but her fiancé knew her well. Heaven forbid she rise a minute earlier because, as had Shinra discovered, the dullahan morphed into a grouchy minefield if woken up too early. So Shinra left the bed so quietly, it was as if he hadn't at all, and continued on to his annual mission: Operation Woo-Celty-With-Your-Smexy-Looks-Thoughtful-Gifts-A nd-Deliciously-Irresistible-Personality. Needless to say, the doctor had been launching this masterfully-planned scheme every year on Valentine's Day since he was a 14-year-old geek who had been forced – by his hellish music teacher - to join the school band and play a cheap plastic recorder. (Shinra despised the instrument _years_ after the event, and still held a firm grudge against his music teacher.) Even though the cursed recorder was no longer a part on Shinra's life, Operation WCWYSLTGADIP, as Shinra called it, was. The goal of the grand scheme was, well, to woo Celty. The many years of Operation WCWYSLTGADIP had a rocky start, in which adolescent Shinra lacked the creativity to come up with anything besides classic Valentine's Day gifts: Roses, which Celty thought were wildly expensive and therefore over the top. Chocolates, which she couldn't eat, but pretended to be delighted by anyway. A hand-made ceramic heart which Celty now used as a doorstop. But eventually, his gift ideas improved and the dullahan came to expect a thoughtful present every 14th of February. Shinra shot one more loving look at his fiancée and then crept into the quiet of the hallway. It was almost pitch black, but Shinra's eyes adjusted quickly. He walked with ease through the dark hotel and into the sunless morning. The stars blinked down on the doctor as he set to work on what was possibly the best surprise in the long and prestigious history of Operation WCWYSLTGADIP. Shinra took out a notepad and started writing. It was 4:47 am.

When Shizuo woke up, the first thing he felt was a hazy peace. Like the harsh edges of the world had been softened. He plunged into consciousness and was suddenly aware of was the cool linens on his sheets and the feeling of someone else's hand in his. The debt collector's eyes shot open, taken aback by the foreign sensation. His hand was gripping Izaya's left pinkie. (How had that happened?) His large palm seemed to swallow the information broker's finger. Shizuo's rough hand felt out of place with Izaya's soft and pale pinkie. Izaya, looking serene and blissful, a small smirk playing on his lips. No. This wasn't happening. Not with Izaya, stupid, annoying, utterly pesky Izaya. Not in a million years. Shizuo let go of Izaya gently, and all but scrambled out of the hotel room as if death itself was on his tail. It wasn't until he was halfway down the hall that he realized how much he wanted to go back.

Izaya woke up to the sound of a slamming door. It was Shizuo. He had left. Izaya glanced over at the imprint of Ikebukoro's strongest individual in the bed, the lingering ghost of the man who had been sleeping beside him not twenty minutes earlier. The information broker sighed and pulled the covers over his head.

_-6:30 AM-_

Shizuo prodded the microwave omelet with his plastic fork. Breakfast looked less than appealing. Things were rather hushed in the hotel dining hall, just how he liked it. One or two others sat in the overstuffed arm chairs, sipping coffee and snacking on blueberry muffins. As of the moment, he had one imperative, and that was to avoid Izaya at all costs. It was a childish tactic for running, Shizuo knew that all too well, but he still opted to lay low.

"Izaya Orihara is Izaya Orihara is Izaya Orihara is _Izaya Orihara_." Shizuo whispered under his breath.

The debt collector spent the rest of the morning systematically steering clear of Izaya. He ran into a giggling Shinra, whose pockets were bulging with little sheets of paper. The doctor's appearance made Shizuo teeter on suspicion.

"Shinra, you gonna tell me what's in your pockets?"

"Well," Shinra gushed, "Glad you asked. I'm just embarking on Operation WCWYSLTGADIP."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow at the doctor's over-the-top acronym.

"Woo Celty With Your Smexy Looks, Thoughtful Gifts, and Deliciously Irresistible Personality," Shinra elaborated.

"Erm…What?"

"Basically, in out-doing myself in order to impress Celty every Valentine's Day, I am dubbed the flawless Adonis fiancé. It's a fool proof plan. Celty will melt into a puddle of mushy tender cuteness by noon."

"Good luck with that."

"So, are you going to the dance?"

"The what now?"

"Oh Shizuo," Shinra shook his head. "You're hopeless! Tonight is All-You-Can-Dance night! Aren't you going to get out there and bust a move?"

"No."

"Come on, Shizu-chan!"

"_Don't_ call me Shizu-chan. And I won't do it, not on your life."

"Can't say I didn't try to convince you. Anyways, where's Izaya?"

"Don't know, don't care. The more distance I put between me and that little flea, the better."

"That's not what Erika told me."

Shizuo's blood ran cold.

"The Otaku girl? What did she have to say?"

"Gosh, from what she told me you guys were like this." Shinra crossed his middle and index fingers and held them up for Shizuo to see.

Shizuo uttered some undecipherable curses under his breath and took of down the hall.

"Hey, Shizuo! Where are you going?"

"Wherever that little maggot _isn't_!"

As Shizuo was going out of his way to avoid Izaya, Izaya was eating cottage cheese out of the original tub in a hot bubble bath. Izaya was not one to live in excess, but he allowed himself comfort food, and often bought cottage cheese, canned tuna, and Dark Chocolate Ben and Jerry's by the gallon at a corner grocery store in Shinjuku. He shoveled the food down his throat –one big spoonful after another – and sang along to the lyrics of the 'Testosterone Junction' CD he was playing, basking in the glow of his precious boy band and altering the lyrics slightly as he sang them.

"Damn Shizu-chan, you're so _fiiiiinnnneee_," Izaya crooned through a mouthful of cottage cheese. "I'll walk to the ends of the world, just so you can be _miiiiiiiine_!"

There was a knock on the door. Izaya stopped abruptly and hopped out of the tub, shook his hair dry. He threw on a fluffy beige bathrobe, which was generously provided by the hotel, and clambered over to the door, throwing it open dramatically. Celty was standing there, hands on her hips.

"How can I help you, oh bosomy wench?"

_**[Good morning to you too, Izaya. Nice…robe.]**_

"Why thank you! Won't you come in? I just opened up a new tub of cottage cheese!" Izaya nodded to the jar he carried under his arm.

_**[I've got to pass. Not having a mouth is always a set-back in eating.]**_

"That's too bad, there really is nothing more splendid than dairy in the morning!"

_** [Yes, that's nice. Have you seen Shinra?]**_

"Your quirky object of affection?"

_**[You know who I'm talking about.]  
**_ "The off-beat doctor of your fondest dreams?"

_** [Izaya. Have you or have you not seen Shinra?]**_

"Nope."

_** [Do me a favor and tell the goofball I'm looking for him if you two bump into each other. I haven't seen him all morning.]**_

"Anything for my good old chum's bosomy wench!"

_**[You call me 'bosomy wench' one more time and I'll -]**_

"Whatever you say, Celty. I'll keep an eye open for him."

_**[…Well, thanks, Izaya.]**_

Upon closing the door, Izaya gleefully returned to the tub, and Celty worriedly hurried back to the hotel room. She could expect a little gift on Valentine's Day, but not a complete disappearance of her fiancé. Once she sat down on the floral-print hotel couch, Celty noticed the tiny red envelope lying innocently on the coffee table. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands before gently tearing open the thick paper. The note inside, penned in Shinra's casual scrawl, read:

_My beloved, look in the coffee pot._

Transfixed, Celty wandered to the instant-coffee pot in the kitchen and looked inside. Another red envelope.

_"That rascal," _she thought, and began to follow the trail of scarlet paper her lover left behind.

_-3:30 pm-_

By that afternoon, Celty was more annoyed than charmed. After a couple hours of wild goose chase, she had uncovered over 200 envelopes and felt like she was going in circles. She had just found one hidden in the leaves of an indoor plant:

_Sweet Turtle Dove, this is the last clue. You can find your gift in the closet of our hotel room." _

Celty, though flattered by Shinra's rather sickening pet names, thought this was a little lame.

_"All this for the closet?" _She wondered, though dutifully heading back to their hotel room. Cautiously opening the closet door, Celty peered into the darkness. What she saw made her shake with delight.

Shinra had resorted to the cheesy gifts like he sometimes did. No roses, no chocolates, no teddy bears, none of that crap. Instead, he had gotten her a new Mario Kart game. The dullahan was transfixed with it for the rest of the afternoon.

_-That night-_

_**[Where's Shizuo?] **_Celty typed cheerily, spinning around in circles, taking in the splendor of the lobby, which was transformed into a beautiful dance hall. All furniture was pushed to the sides of the large room, allowing the occupants a spacious dance floor.

"I dunno," Shinra shrugged. "He said he wasn't going to show. I don't see Erika, either."

_**[Poor Walker, he's been abandoned.]**_

The boy stood awkwardly in a deserted corner of the hall, looking dazed and disoriented. He gripped his plastic cup of fruits punch so tightly, it looked like it was about to burst. Celty waved to him merrily, to which he answered with sad little nod.

_**[He really is lost without that girl.]**_

"Yup."

_**[I sure hope Izaya isn't wreaking havoc somewhere. You know what we need? A dog leash. For Izaya, you know? I never feel comfortable when he's out of my sight.]**_

Shinra chuckled. "A dog leash would be handy. But I don't think we'll be needing it tonight." He gestured to Izaya, who was sitting in an arm chair on the side of the dance floor, looking particularly deflated.

_**[Wow. Someone's not in the V-day spirit.]**_

"Tell me about it."

_** [Ah well, at least he doesn't have to be in the same room as Shizuo. Do you think he'll show up?]**_

"To be honest, I think he's in his room debating if he should come or not."

At that moment, Shizuo was in his room, debating if he was or was not going to attend the hotel dance.

"I won't go." He said aloud. "No, I'm just too busy; I couldn't make it if I wanted to. I've got to clip my toenails, eat my microwave lasagna, and then there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon on T.V. tonight, so I should watch that."

Shizuo sighed, massaging his temples. He could hear the music coming from the lobby.

"But if I_ do_ go, I won't have to deal with Shinra! I won't have to live it down for days. I won't have to come up with an excuse for not going. But on the other hand, that ridiculous doctor will be there, Izaya will be there, and those damn Otakus will be there."

He flopped onto the hotel bed. "But if I do go, I can deal with Izaya sooner rather than later."

He thought for a minute. "Fine. I'm going. I'll pop in for ten minutes, but then I'm coming right back." Shizuo started towards the door. "Wait, what am I doing? I could catch a taxi home and be in my apartment by the next morning. No conflict whatsoever!" He turned away from the door. "I'll just go home." At that moment, realization struck Shizuo. "But to get out, I have to go through the lobby. _Damn._ I guess I'll just have to suck it up go." He charged toward the door, down the corridor and into the fray.

But he wasn't ready for what he was if for. Loud music, slow dancing couples, colors, laughter, and no clear passage to the exit.

"_Shizuo_!" Shinra called grandly from across the room, spreading his arms widely dramatically.

"Oh _no_," Shizuo muttered under his breath as Celty and Shinra maneuvered through the crowd.

"Come join the party!"

"Erm, I was just leaving."

"Shizuo, you little idiot! Live a little!"

"No, thank you," the debt collector said stiffly.

"Well, then you'd better go join the other party pooper," Shinra grinned maliciously, pointing to the sulking information broker.

"I'd rather not."

"Fine, fine!" The music changed to an acoustic slow song. "Ooh," Shinra exclaimed, "Celty, dance?"

The dullahan took her fiancés hand and they waltzed into the crowd. Shizuo took the opportunity to make his way to one of the edges of the dance floor – the one farthest away from Izaya - and plopped down in a chair. The night wore on, couples spiraling back in forth until they were too tired to move through another song. The balloons drooped and the streamers sagged. A few couples remained. Shinra and Celty had left, (Shizuo had caught the bedroom eyes the doctor was making at his fiancée) and neither Erika nor Walker were anywhere to be seen. But Izaya was still there. _Of course_ the maggot was still there. If the Earth underwent a fiery apocalypse in which humankind perished, Izaya would _still be there_. Shizuo stared at Izaya. Izaya stared at Shizuo. It wasn't the thick, intense tension Shizuo was used to. It was a calm acknowledgement.

_"Hello there," _Izaya's eyes seemed to whisper from across the room. Words caught in the blonde's throat. Thoughts ran like water through Shizuo's mind, words he would never say. Words like "I missed the chaos today. Like I missed your crazy laugh. And your weird lifestyle. But most of all, I missed you. Instead of saying any of those things, Shizuo said nothing at all. He stood up and walked casually to Izaya. Shizuo came to a stop in front of Izaya, and held out his open hand.

"Would you dance with me?" It came out easier than he had thought it would.

Izaya, curled up in a ball in the chair, unfurled from his position, and soundlessly took the man's hand. A gentle acoustic song started in the background, and the two men, practically the only ones on the dance floor, began to gradually whirl around the lobby.

"Is this really what love feels-"

"Shhhh," Izaya interrupted Shizuo in mid-sentence. "Words aren't needed now."

Their eyes locked on each other like magnets, glistening in the dim light. Even though it was a romance between an unnaturally strong debt collector with a temper munchkin-short temper and an information broker who played with human mind as a hobby, it worked. And that was more than enough for the two of them.

Admittedly, the moment would have been totally ruined if they had seen a certain Erika Karisawa videotaping them from under the punch table.

The following morning, Shinra and Izaya had a conversation:

"Izaya, I think I know how to clear up that pesky estrogen."

"Hmmm? What estrogen?"

"Izaya. The hormones you obtained from my lab. The reason why you have been living with us for the past couple weeks."

"Oh, I lied about all that. The entire thing was just an act."

"Wait, _what_?" The doctor sputtered.

"I just wanted to see what was going to happen. You guys trust my word more than you should."

Izaya smartly left the vicinity before Shinra could explode.

**-EPILOUGE-**

The events of the vacation were most certainly game-changing. The Otakus uploaded the footage of Shizuo and Izaya they collected to every social network site known to man under the user name 'YaoiExtremist3.0.' Erika submitted it upon arriving in Ikebukoro after the weekend, and the video had over 3 million hits on many sites in its first 48 hours on the web.

Upon seeing the video after it went viral, Shizuo threw his laptop clear out of his apartment window in a fit of anger.

Celty and Shinra were married the following September and took off for a month to the Irish countryside. The happy couple was the center of attention on their special day- that is the center of everyone's attention except for their two love-struck best men who were absorbed in nothing but each other. And that, that would never change.

**Dear Readers: Thank you for sticking with this rather unseasonal fanfic! I will be going on hiatus this summer, so I will see you in September!**

**Sunshine and sushi,**

**The Queen of Fairyland **


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